Friday, January 26, 2007
Confirmed flight: SQ 2nd Feb 1.15am, gonna make downpayment tmr........
well, this sux.. i juz realise i am reali, seriously not ready for this.. i cant bear to leave my family, the ones who gave me support when i needed them most... the ones that made mi laugh when i am realli sad. the ones who unstress me when i am damn stressed up by the exams.. the ones that comfort me when i did very badly for my exams. without them, what happens when i do badly for the exams in aus, i will be left alone to cry on my own. nobody to comfort me, nobody to cheer me up, nobody to rush over and hug me when i am sobbing in the middle of night and watch me sleep before leaving the room. i will miss dad's hug and cheerfulness and sis's soothing words of comfort. :'(((((((((((((((((( i hate this.. i cant put up a brave front and tell dad i will be totally fine there anymore. i am afraid i would break down... i hate to make my family worried about me. I HAVE TO BE STRONG. i would miss bebe, fate and cow too esp bebe, whom would sit quietly on my lap whenever i am sad and sometimes, i could almost hear him telling me to cheer up.. after 6 yrs when i come back for good, bebe would be long gone... i cant even be there for him when he dies... :'((((((((((((((((((((((( i feel like im effing selfish.. to fulfil my dreams, i sacrifice my family and pets..my sister has been depending alot on me since she was reali young for advice, comfort and all... without me, she is sure to suffer.. i noe and i noe that she's putting up a brave front for me to see when she says she would be ok on her own. shes damn sad but also wants me to pursue my dreams thus she kps insisting she's okay........
my best friends too.. i would tear and tear whenever they tell mi to take care and tt theyw oudl miss me alot.. i would miss all these best friends who cared so much for me especially danao who would always be ther when i need her, always lend me a shoulder to cry on, always the one who gave me lots and lots of osund adivce. i would miss hugging her when i am damn sad. and all my other best best friends.. i would miss their laughters and all the good times we share together, playing, studying and having heart-to-heart talks.. i would miss all the sleepovers we had together whereby we would talk till the wee hours.. :'(((((((((((
THIS FUCKING SUCKS DAMN LOT. i finally knows what does it feels like to have your heart all wrenched up. it frigging hurts, more than anything else. i once was hospitalised and had to go on a drip and i told myself this must be the most painful pain ever and now i know how terribly wrong tt is. THIS is the most painful pain ever. :'(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( god, i am reali suffering now. this sux this sux this sux this sux. wad can i do???????????? i am sure to leave next fri.....................
nobody understands.
with love
12:03 PM
